Whats your purpose?

For you to take the time out to call an text, when you made the decision to let me go, whats your purpose? You may think its because they are realizing what they had is now gone...No No No...that cant be it. You see, if there was a true appreciation for another, you wouldnt have let me go the first time. In some cases, 1st, 2nd, 3rd...etc... I find it amazing how one can fall back into something where they have clearly been before. Clearly speaking for myself...1st and foremost. Its some hard s*%#, some fo real feelings...its even harder to keep getting a taste of what you have declared forbidden fruit, to only set yourself up for failure. Why do we do this? Whats the purpose?? In some cases, it can be cut and dry or a power trip over the other person...but somehow, when you analyze it and you know youre wrong, it can still blow up in your face. When youve made up your mind that someone is not right for you, the signs always...ALWAYS...present themselves, before you get back comfortable. I ask myself...whats the purpose of getting pissed, having violent thoughts, cursing them out, telling them not to contact you, for them to clearly disobey or respect your wishes and for them to keep trying to put that foot in the door...its crazy. I refuse to enter into that cycle again. Yep, I did what I did bc I wanted to, not to satisfy you, so I ask you, what is your purpose, in my life? To compliment it or complicate it?

REMINDER

So Ive had people, other than my "followers" reading this...again, if you take offense to anything on here, then maybe youre guilty. Like I said, this is my release, my thoughts and my concerns. This is basically my online journal, without names being stated. I'm not going to apologize for my viewpoints and how I feel Ive been treated, so with that said, Hope there's no love loss out there, those close to me know how I am and knowing that and the types of friends I have, yall wouldnt bite yall tongues either...more later...LOVE YA

A Moment to Vent...

So I think its amazing how TRIFLIN' some people are!!! I am referring to some men, in this post. So how is it that guys have this double standard thing. Thinking that when they do dirt, its all good and kosher and when they are done wrong the world is against them and all women are triflin'. This guy I know is CLEARLY involved with someone, in one way or another, and never said anything about it. Yet, when they come around, "relations" comes into convo and theres hints and almost plans for that. Tell me how can you be so damn bold to try and get some from someone youre not even interested in/or talking to when you got someone at home. Not just anyone, but someone where obviously the word "love" has come into play. People wonder why relationships go wrong or stuff is always happening...take a look at yaself homeboy! Its how you treat people dude...how do you expect to have good luck, when youre doing wrong or attempting to do wrong. Dont bring that sh&* over here. I am CLEARLY not perfect and some s&*& has gon' down in the past, but from this last situation or 2, I believe karma has kicked my @$$ and Ive learned my lesson...I guess some people will never learn...you claim youre real and upfront, when are you gonna show me? I really thought we were better than that...thats f&*^%# up, fo real. So what if I had stayed out later that night...

A simple convo...

So, I had a convo tonight with one of my really good guy friends....I love him to death. You never know how much little things count, in such a big way. A simple card that I expressed was the way I felt about him, meant so much to him that he still reads it over and over again. It made me feel really good---just knowing that someone appreciates the thought I put into any gift I give someone. He also made me smile because he told me that I'm a good woman and that I have a good spirit, that he appreciates my friendship and prays that I never feel like I dont deserve love, due to past situations...Its always good to hear things like that...not necessarily as an ego boost but to know that someone sees something in you that you hope is actually portrayed. I thank him for putting a smile on my face and I thank God for having good friends in my life. Thats all for tonight...hitting the sheets...

My Week

I think its amazing how you can go months and months without seeing or talking to someone and they still have the ability to give you butterflies. Its funny but at times I feel so pathetic. Yea, sad but true. I had a crush on this person years ago and nothing has changed. Anyway, switching subjects...so I went to 2 clubs this past week. I have realized that clearly with me knocking on the 24 yr old door this yr, CLEARLY, 18 and up clubs are out. I now know that its the same thing everywhere. Dont get me wrong, I always have fun but its always: smoking...everything under the sun lol, the group of dudes that clearly practice their dances at home, before they come out, the one really drunk guy that attacks every female he comes in contact with, several guys staring or grabbing asses and then the really really attractive ones that sit to the side observing lol. I am not the club type, yes I love music and love the attention I get when I dance (I guess some people are under the impression that thick/bigger boned chicks cant drop it), hence the nickname and club theme song salt shaker lol, but its a little too much sometimes. I could never be the girl to go to the clubs every weekend, not me. Other craziness of the week, my little brother ran my cellphone bill up to $644.41, due to text message overages. I have no words...just gotta pay it...can we say PAYMENT PLAN for real. Yes, I was very pissed but its not gonna pay my bill so yea. Ummm...well that was the bulk of my week...I think thats enough randomness...more later...