So...I think I like this guy. Well, okay, I do. I like him but I dont know where we stand. I'm a lil odd---LOL. I say this because I like him and want to know where he stands, what he wants but I dont want the "hey we are bf/gf talk". I just want to know if I should continue to put time into this or treat this as a friend to occupy time here and there. Not saying I couldnt see myself with him, bc I dont know but he is just an IDK. He's a lil nonchalant, when I want him to be excited about something. If I tell you I want to spend a weekend with you and you kinda treat it like another random day, it bothers me. But on the other hand, he seems happy to see me when we get together. I guess I'm frustrated bc I cant just up and go see him and it just be me and him. I'm not any better but UGH. I need to know whats up before I spend money on this weekend coming up lol. He also made the comment that he knows I talk to a lot of guys. Honestly, I chat with a few men but not everybody is on the same level. Some are for entertainment--knowing that nothing serious would come out of it. This guy is the only one I'm interested in pursuing something with; maybe one other but I know his schedule and the attention I want wont work. Either way, I need to know if the comment he made is something that will get in the way of me knowing his intentions or just a comment he made. He said that he notices me talking about a different dude, which I dont believe---and that the difference b/t us is that he doesnt talk about the chicks he talks to---I was like what the hell. On one hand, I could care less bc it seems like I get an adequate amount of attention but how could I even say anything bc what are we doing? Just chatting to chat or what? But how about I figure out my intentions before I go into hinting about what he wants...UGH...see thats why I dont like "liking" people.

"Sobering Moments"

My definition of a sobering moment would be a situation(s) that is a OMG this is really happening LOL. May not be a laughing moment, but its a lightbulb moment. In past entries, I have talked about a certain person that I have feelings for, but he is my bestfriend. I'm sure I have also mentioned that he has a child on the way, if not, then yea he is; This past week, I had a sobering moment with him---This man, a man who I have once or twice claimed to love to death and the only person, at this point, can see myself with now has a BABY ROOM----a crib and changing table. I walked in and immediately had no words; all I could say was awwwww and laugh (nothing was funny but when I dont know what else to do...that happens, if not silence). Dont get me wrong...I am excited for another child in the group but I'm not excited about the situation. I just want things to work out for the best honestly. I want the baby to be healthy and happy and I want him to be happy and for me not to be used. Sad to say but thats how I feel. That sobering moment= for all those that think there's still a chance, I saw nothing but him and baby mama getting married and THE END.
Sobering moment #2---A guy that at one point I thought I was in love with---is an asshole, but that wasnt the moment. From his ridiculous attempt to have a "regular" chill person, when he moves back in town from a failed relationship, my lightbulb moment was that he doesnt respect me and the feelings I had for him. I'm not an angel and I'm not innocent. I have made some mistakes and have tried to learn from them. But I have noticed that its very very very easy TO OUTGROW someone. I think I have outgrown him. I want something of substance. I want a man that wants me and he doesnt. He doesnt respect the things I've learned and what I choose to respect so he can KICK ROCKS. Being with someone who only wants one aspect of me is not worth my time and I refuse to waste anymore time on his ass backward relationship views or lack there of. I know what he wants from me and just to let him know, Ive found better. Thanks for the offer though. When you think you can come at me correct, then I might consider it but what you use to have, consider it lost.

I'm sure I'll have more to come but that was on my mind...