Mid-20s high school drama part 2

Mid-20s Drama Part 2….

So the last installment was about him cursing me out and then apologizing…so let me tell yall what happened next. GET READY….HERE IT COMES…HE WANTS ME BACK!!! Are yall surprised??? I’m not. So let me tell you how the conversation went. I answered the phone and was like yea, whats up. He proceeds to tell me that oh, its been so long since we’ve talked and I miss you…I really think that we should try and make this work and yada yada. So I’m like okay well if this is the case, then whats up with the girl you had up on your profile and it said you were in a relationship with her. So the lying begins…who?? what??? Oh, that girl is crazy…she just wants to get with me and I’m not interested (other things were said), so I’m like whatever. You wouldn’t have in a relationship with her for a day and change it back to just in a relationship for no reason. So he keeps going…saying well you know theres no relationship that’s perfect and I really wanna see you…went as far to say that he wants to make love to me LMAO. So after we get off the phone, my wheels start churning. How am I going to catch him in a lie?? I GOT IT…I’m going to send this girl a message on facebook…not gonna be rude or anything, just ask if shes with him. She actually responds….she said she is in a relationship with him and I start to laugh…NO KIDDING. Shes very straightforward, asks whats going on so I tell her that I was trying to catch him in a lie and I did…without letting her know that he was trying to get back in good. I wasn’t trying to start any mess, but I was trying to see if he was a liar and try to spare her feelings without throwing dirt in his game on her end. Well it was cool until she called him and asked about me….she didn’t want me to call him until she had a convo with me, which she never called but he called instead. He asks if I spoke to her and I played dumb at first and then said yea I did. He blew up….why would you contact her…that’s stupid. I respond by saying dude I asked you if you were with her and YOU LIED….HELLO…ARE YOU SERIOUS? So youre pissed at me bc you lied??? He yells…whatever shawty, lose my number CLICK…phone goes silent…I laugh and instantly want to kick his ass but I calm down. Hes not worth it and she never called, so I assumed that he fed her the same shit he fed me about her. That’s how niggs play their lil game and hes just mad that I peeped game…LAME ASS!

Part 3….So Yall thought it was over…HA HA HA…never…

So its about 11:30pm….I’m chillin, talking to my besties #1&2…2 gets off, just on the phone with #1…phone beeps…number appears that I don’t know…I answer and its 6’4. INSTANT ATTITUDE COMMENCE….He asks me if Ive been calling his girl…YOUR GIRL??? THE ONE THAT YOU DIDN’T CLAIM…WOW…SO I respond by saying I don’t even have her number and why would I want to talk to her…I should’ve hung up but anyway…she gets on the phone and says the same thing…now I’m really annoyed…So you think that because you had a convo about your now trifling nigg that I called harassing you….you think that im the only chick that hes probably trying to get with….anyway back to the story…she asks, I say no I have no reason…matter of fact, you asked if you could call me and I gave you my number, so knowing that you have my info, why would I harass you on your phone and I don’t have your number…so what does she say…well my number is on facebook….SO NOW IM THE ONLY FEMALE ON FACEBOOK THAT KNOWS 6’4….WOW….good one. He takes the phone back, I take it away from my ear and say I don’t have time for this BS and I hang up. The next morning I put up a facebook status, referring to the highschool drama that occurred the night before….LO AND BEHOLD, WHO SENDS ME A MESSAGE….Lets break this down real quick…yes, I went to GSU but the only way you could see my status change is if youre my friend…SHES NOT…so clearly someone went searching…anyway she said I challenged her womanhood and that he talked shit about me (surprising…**sarcasm**), said I was lying and talking mess and why would I if I broke up with him…but she didn’t know about the part 2 above….so her bad. Anyway she ended it with blessed day and I wished her the same without talking crap abt her “boyfriend”. So I will talk crap now….I don’t have time for this BS…If you were so grown or like I said in my status on your GROWN WOMAN, then you would’ve said bae, don’t call her, shes not worth it. And if yall were so GROWN then you should be prepared for the GROWN decision you made to call me late at night and know that I WAS GON TALK S&%$....because I can and because that’s MY FACEBOOK PAGE, MY STATUS UPDATE AND HOW I FEEL ABOUT PEOPLE CALLING ME ABOUT CRAZINESS. Im sooooo tired of niggs trying to play chicks and then clearly, if I would’ve told her that he was trying to get with me, on top of already saying he wasn’t claiming her…she wouldn’t believe me. of course hes gonna talk crap about me, so he doesn’t look like he f&^$#@ up. CMON WOMEN…PLEASE SEE THE SIGNS…And IF IM NOT CALLING YOU THEN THERE IS SOME CHICK HE IS TRYING TO GET AT….THERE IS NO SURPRISE YALL ARE TOGETHER…YALL HAD AN ARGUMENT OVER HIS “STATUS” ON FACEBOOK….CMON….All I ask is for people NOT TO DO ME DAMN!!! I know she will probably say something to him and seriously I don’t want to do ballistic…I really really don’t. I have handled this situation very maturely and I want to keep it like that. I rather act a fool on the blog and my statuses than say what I really want to say about him. BECAUSE ITS NOT EVEN ABOUT HER…ITS ABOUT HIM AND HIS ASDASDKJH2383274897324987329************…..**ALL EXPLICITS********
THAT BETTA BE THE FIRST AND LAST PHONE CALL ABOUT THAT MESS.

Mid-20s High school drama...part 1

So Ive had my fair share of interesting situations and this isn’t the most interesting but its “write” worthy. So the title seems crazy but its true; its mainly referring to the length of time the relationship lasted…a WHOLE 3.5 WEEKS!!! Damn in my mid-20s…for real?!!?? In the words of one of my homeboys…”it be like that sometimes”. So this guy was really really attractive…you know 6’4, brown-skinned, the right amount of thickness, cool personality…but who knew that there was this short fuse and ridiculousness hidden behind all of this attractiveness. So I wont make this long, but I will give you highlights. This experience proved to me that I am in fact growing up and that I can peep game early on. Me being the sweet and understanding person I can be, understood when my man was having transportation issues and had to get around…but when it turns into just transporting you to and from and not about chillin with your girl, its an issue for me; or when you question me, after I let you know I cant do something for you or when you get mad at me because I cant do something for you. How does this make me feel?? It makes me feel like you only want me around when it can benefit you. I express to you how I feel and you completely go BALISTIC!! I mean curse word after curse word (from what I could understand) and you completely ignored what I was trying to explain. Yall even after he cursed me out and ended it (this is all through email bc he didn’t want to wait to talk in person), I didn’t even go off on him. I said okay and let it go…I was shocked at myself. Yes, I had the initial thought to be at his house waiting for him with a crew in tote, but I let it go. I figured this young, obviously immature, child of God didn’t know any better and that he wasn’t even worth the rise in blood pressure he would cause. That happened on a Monday and as sure as my name is Janee’ Antoinette McDaniel, he called that Friday apologizing. He said he figured that was where I was headed in my email (breaking up with him), so I responded by saying, oh so is it a competition? That’s crazy…he had me explain the email, basically restating everything I said in the email and then magically he understood where I was coming from. WOW…really??? So then he says well I know you accepted my apology so where do we go from here…ummmm no where…why would I want someone who has a short fuse, that may be slightly crazy and as of last week, according to the handy dandy FACEBOOK…IS ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP…what does that equal boys and girls that he was probably trifling and talking to me and this chick or that he just works fast. Well young buck, I hope you find what youre looking for and that you grow up…cuz this woman is saying…”Men are like buses, miss one next fifteen one comin’” LMAO

Relationships

Man this is work!!! THE END...naw seriously...this is my second relationship, in my 24 years on this earth. If you knew my history, its not as bad as it sounds lol. I was always the one with "all these guys" hanging around me, which I have encountered quite a few interesting ones...but it was only hanging. It never went into more than that and in most cases, wasnt because I lost interest but because we were on different levels. Either they were full of crap or @ssholes or whatever...but I have recently learned that this has helped and harmed me. I am soooo open to this relationship. I really like him and me deciding to be with him was the right decision; im taking a chance and trying really really hard to let my guard down. Ive been trying to figure out why Im so hard on him and I think its because Im not use to a short period of "hanging"...and then relationship talk is brought up. I'm just use to staying in one stage, hanging, which I have said on SEVERAL occas. I HATE and it just freaked me out that it kept moving along. I have to say I was very hesistant and still freaked out but I dont want to miss out on the "possibility". You never know...but anyway like I said in a previous blog, its a J-O-B! Learning not only info about them, but learning the moods and sarcasm and getting to know their vibe. I know, I know...it takes time and patience and I think that Im going to continue to give this a chance. Stay tuned!! BTW Any new comer relationship advice???

Boyfriend

So ladies and gentleman...I have a boyfriend! Wow...are you shocked? lol Well I really like him and enjoy the time we spend together but me being me...pickin' at what seems to be nothing there. I think I'm just afraid to let someone in, let someone get close to me and scared to get hurt again. I have to realize that its apart of life, I should try things out because you never know. I keep having these bad thoughts pop in and out and I dont know whether to ignore them or keep them somewhat in the frontal lobe lol. I want this, I want this to work, I guess I just want things to progress faster so that my normal comfort level is reached. I guess I cant rush it and that I should take my time, but put in time to really get to know him better. I'm looking forward to seeing where this could possibly go but my guard is still up at the moment...will keep you posted

LOL

So...this is short, straight to the point. DONT DO ME!!! Fellas, yes I'm still young and havent been through EVERYTHING, but Ive heard, seen and gone through some interesting situations and have seen myself through. I thank God that I have the ability to count on him and pray about certain situations I'm in bc he always shines the light on things that need to be seen. In other words I have a BS meter and it goes off when you are questionable. If I'm up front and honest with you, I expect the same. Be real abt what youre looking for, at the beginning, and the chump that you have coming your way wont be as bad. The internet is an interesting tool, so if you dont want to be called out dont put your "business" out there. Thank you and goodnight!

Starting Over

I meet a lot of people. Those that are strictly friends and those that have the potential to be more-and sometimes that person makes it hard to decipher which category they should fall into. For me personally, starting over is scary. You get use to the same person for so many years, things happen and youre forced out of that "security" so to speak. Meeting new people is a job....finding someone youre interested in, is a job. Its a job that I like to apply for but the interviewing process is hell. I dont think that I'm a complex person. I knoe I want someone in my life that I connect with on a friendship and lover level, but bc of how my life has played out, thus far, that second level is a mystery. Ive never really been courted and thats what im asking for. Unlike several others, intimacy is intimate lol---meaning I'm very into you, only you and you have me 100%. With that being said, the friendship level is important to me. Its very true that it doesnt matter how long you can know a person, that can still f*&% you over, but I need to build up trust, that security before the second part is entered fully. If you have my attention believe me, I'm putting 100 in the friendship dept. I'm working in the field to figure out what position best suits me. I'm asking questions to get to know the job in full detail to make sure this job is what I want to do. During the interview and the work in the field, you should get a better understanding of me and figure out what type of employee I would be. To sum all this up---time is important. If I'm not experienced, help me/train me...time is of the essence. **didnt proofread so igg the typos**

Fake Relationship

So Ive liked someone for a good lil minute now and last Sunday, I just realized that I'm in a fake relationship lol. Sounds a lil weird, huh? But not really. I love the time being spent but I must admit, these are bf/gf activities I guess and I really dont know what I was thinking. I never stopped liking this person and spending just about every weekend with him...c'mon Janee' geez!! Its just frustrating being around someone I cant have, especially when your official title is his best friend. So in order to stay in my place, so to speak, Ive decided to try and take a break from this person. I will see this person on my bday, but I need a lil space without him noticing lol. I cant explain to him why I dont want to spend a day with him or whatever, unless I make plans on purpose or lie....without having to explain how I feel about him and how I want to be with him, make him happy and all that other sickening stuff lol. UGH...this sucks bc I love being around him and I know it sucks bc I could very well be wasting my time and Im sure he doesnt take out the time to think about this crap. I think its funny that I had that revelation while I'm reading Steve Harvey's book "Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man". Interesting read thus far...lookout for blogs about some of his topics or the book in general...

Wondering...

I wonder what it would be like to be with you...would it be awkward? would it be everything I want it to be? I'm wondering if I want you because I'm so use to crappy dudes in my life, so is that the only reason you look appealing? Or are you really the one I want, been looking for? Its funny because I feel like I have to fake the funk, in order to be around you. I like you but I put you in the homeboy zone, when I'm around you. When I'm not, I'm constantly thinking about the sweet gestures you do, without question, listening to my craziness, being there for me when other dudes do me wrong...we are ridiculously close, you know waaaay too much information about me...we love each other, but is it just you being my bestfriend or are you feelin' me a lil bit? When I think abt the physical aspect its very cloudy lol....dont know if it would be awkward or what...this is just crazy, ridiculous, old and sad bc its been 5 years of us really getting to know each other and I still dont know if he ever looked or looks at me at anything other than his bestfriend. I think due to our closeness the transition would be easy but the romantic aspect is a lil scary when i think about it jokingly and seriously lol. We clearly connect, I'm just wondering how. I just know that if he gets with anybody, I'll be pissed!!! The End lol

Whats your purpose?

For you to take the time out to call an text, when you made the decision to let me go, whats your purpose? You may think its because they are realizing what they had is now gone...No No No...that cant be it. You see, if there was a true appreciation for another, you wouldnt have let me go the first time. In some cases, 1st, 2nd, 3rd...etc... I find it amazing how one can fall back into something where they have clearly been before. Clearly speaking for myself...1st and foremost. Its some hard s*%#, some fo real feelings...its even harder to keep getting a taste of what you have declared forbidden fruit, to only set yourself up for failure. Why do we do this? Whats the purpose?? In some cases, it can be cut and dry or a power trip over the other person...but somehow, when you analyze it and you know youre wrong, it can still blow up in your face. When youve made up your mind that someone is not right for you, the signs always...ALWAYS...present themselves, before you get back comfortable. I ask myself...whats the purpose of getting pissed, having violent thoughts, cursing them out, telling them not to contact you, for them to clearly disobey or respect your wishes and for them to keep trying to put that foot in the door...its crazy. I refuse to enter into that cycle again. Yep, I did what I did bc I wanted to, not to satisfy you, so I ask you, what is your purpose, in my life? To compliment it or complicate it?

REMINDER

So Ive had people, other than my "followers" reading this...again, if you take offense to anything on here, then maybe youre guilty. Like I said, this is my release, my thoughts and my concerns. This is basically my online journal, without names being stated. I'm not going to apologize for my viewpoints and how I feel Ive been treated, so with that said, Hope there's no love loss out there, those close to me know how I am and knowing that and the types of friends I have, yall wouldnt bite yall tongues either...more later...LOVE YA

A Moment to Vent...

So I think its amazing how TRIFLIN' some people are!!! I am referring to some men, in this post. So how is it that guys have this double standard thing. Thinking that when they do dirt, its all good and kosher and when they are done wrong the world is against them and all women are triflin'. This guy I know is CLEARLY involved with someone, in one way or another, and never said anything about it. Yet, when they come around, "relations" comes into convo and theres hints and almost plans for that. Tell me how can you be so damn bold to try and get some from someone youre not even interested in/or talking to when you got someone at home. Not just anyone, but someone where obviously the word "love" has come into play. People wonder why relationships go wrong or stuff is always happening...take a look at yaself homeboy! Its how you treat people dude...how do you expect to have good luck, when youre doing wrong or attempting to do wrong. Dont bring that sh&* over here. I am CLEARLY not perfect and some s&*& has gon' down in the past, but from this last situation or 2, I believe karma has kicked my @$$ and Ive learned my lesson...I guess some people will never learn...you claim youre real and upfront, when are you gonna show me? I really thought we were better than that...thats f&*^%# up, fo real. So what if I had stayed out later that night...

A simple convo...

So, I had a convo tonight with one of my really good guy friends....I love him to death. You never know how much little things count, in such a big way. A simple card that I expressed was the way I felt about him, meant so much to him that he still reads it over and over again. It made me feel really good---just knowing that someone appreciates the thought I put into any gift I give someone. He also made me smile because he told me that I'm a good woman and that I have a good spirit, that he appreciates my friendship and prays that I never feel like I dont deserve love, due to past situations...Its always good to hear things like that...not necessarily as an ego boost but to know that someone sees something in you that you hope is actually portrayed. I thank him for putting a smile on my face and I thank God for having good friends in my life. Thats all for tonight...hitting the sheets...

My Week

I think its amazing how you can go months and months without seeing or talking to someone and they still have the ability to give you butterflies. Its funny but at times I feel so pathetic. Yea, sad but true. I had a crush on this person years ago and nothing has changed. Anyway, switching subjects...so I went to 2 clubs this past week. I have realized that clearly with me knocking on the 24 yr old door this yr, CLEARLY, 18 and up clubs are out. I now know that its the same thing everywhere. Dont get me wrong, I always have fun but its always: smoking...everything under the sun lol, the group of dudes that clearly practice their dances at home, before they come out, the one really drunk guy that attacks every female he comes in contact with, several guys staring or grabbing asses and then the really really attractive ones that sit to the side observing lol. I am not the club type, yes I love music and love the attention I get when I dance (I guess some people are under the impression that thick/bigger boned chicks cant drop it), hence the nickname and club theme song salt shaker lol, but its a little too much sometimes. I could never be the girl to go to the clubs every weekend, not me. Other craziness of the week, my little brother ran my cellphone bill up to $644.41, due to text message overages. I have no words...just gotta pay it...can we say PAYMENT PLAN for real. Yes, I was very pissed but its not gonna pay my bill so yea. Ummm...well that was the bulk of my week...I think thats enough randomness...more later...

My friend...

So this person has no idea how I feel about him, none. I mean, yes, it has come out a few years ago that I was feelin' him but he doesn't know how I talk about him. My friend is so good to me. Considerate, for the most part, fun to be around, shows me everyday that there are good men in this world. I honestly think the world of him and if I could make him happy, show him what a good woman looks and feels like, I would--without a second thought. We are really good friends though...it has came up before, as stated so I wouldn't dare put it out there again. I am tired of the here and there, randomly chillin things, I want something real and I know that I could be fulfilled by him. I deny that I have feelings for him but I know that if he was to get with anybody, I would be ridiculously jealous. I don't want to share him lol...just my thoughts...

Rude People

So these are my thoughts for today...
I have experienced a lot of rudeness this weekend and today. I for one, really dislike people, in general. I think people are ridiculous and its really sad. Having people complain about stupid crap gets on my nerves, having people say one thing and do another gets on my nerves and people dealing with me when they want to, gets on my nerves. I could go on, but anyway as far as work today. I wanted to slap this guy with the book he was buying. He asked for a book, but was talking to me like I didnt know what the hell I was doing. When I told we didnt have 2 books in stock he smirked at me and looked at me like I was lying, while mumbling something under his breath. After that I watched him slap money on the counter, while the assistant manager had her hand out. He's just rude and ignorant. It doesnt make any sense. Just a rude bastard. If you take offense to anything in this or do this, then youre rude and I dont care...so HA

My letter...

The words that are in this letter could never describe the hurt and pain youve caused me. Hours upon hours, I sit and let you vent, but never get asked, how was your day. A relationship will never be, but you did use me. The emotional, spiritual and physical relationship 24/7. I love you, that'll never change but NEVER get it twisted I was never one to "hang". I want you to know that even though I love you, I was never a groupie and you arent perfect, neither am I...I am clearly a work in progress, but I saw things in you, you thought your ex took with her. I believed in you and prayed for you, when you couldnt...sorry to hear that you could only take me in doses. There were all the reasons in the world not to be with you, presented to me, everyday but I looked past it and still wanted you. We have a 7 yr friendship beyond all this and at this point in time, I cant be a friend to you. Not because you didnt feel the same way, but because your words were hurtful. They stung me to the core, but I thank you. I have the ability to become an even stronger woman and to clear my path for the right man to step in. I love you but I love myself more...no more playing the fool...its my time. Maybe friendship can come later...much later...

My fantasy...(lol..lil lame poem)

My fantasy is not the norm...
I want something new & exciting for you
I mean...
its true..I want you to make it storm
for me-
between my legs
but I want you to beg
for me
want me
need me...
Trenchcoat
High heels
something sexy underneath...
pleasure upon pleasure
me pleasing you
in, under and on top of the sheets
Massages
Lap Dances, just to name a few...
my goal is to make you blackout
before the night is thru.
You may be wondering how could this be
Please trust, I have the ability...

This is my fantasy...for you and me...

Love??

So Im sitting here thinking about the term "love"...many have asked the question, what is love...
By definition, love is affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests. This is my non-textbook definition of love. I loved someone...may not have been the right one, but I can honestly say I experienced it. Love is truly an emotion that can be the greatest emotion and the worst to feel. Its accepting the things that you may not agree with, but youre so full of this emotion called love that it doesnt matter. Its being there emotionally, spiritually & physically, its being there through the good, the bad and the ugly. Its realizing that there is perfection in the non perfect person, its knowing that this person was made especially for me, truly heaven sent and being able to compliment my life, instead of complicate my life...I could go on and on... God has always loved us unconditionally and I'm waiting for the one he will send down my path...Real love is worth me waiting on, I havent given up hope... What is love to you?